Is my nightmare of 2011 over? I truly hope so. I know it hasn’t been as much of a nightmare as so many of other, more serious and alarming issues in the world. I know people go through so many and so much worse things in life every day. Still, the last several months have not been easy for me either. It’s been a bad dream that seems to be over, even if for now.
My bad dream began toward the end of the last year when certain symptoms began surfacing to my attention. It didn’t seem as anything “that” serious at first, but as these symptoms gradually worsened so did my general well-being. I became increasingly uncomfortable, tired and perhaps more boring, too. However, the really difficult part of it all began in May with my diagnosis. After that some difficult months were to follow.
Fortunately for those certain people who really tried to be there for me however they could and made me feel cared for, I had enough strength to face all the smaller and bigger roadblocks that were falling in my way. The first and the biggest one, besides being sick, was losing one person that had mattered to me the most for many years. He had been my partner and best friend, as I had thought up until the time it all fell apart. As it turned out, I wasn’t the most important person in his life anymore. Perhaps, I had never been such person for him, but only he knows the real truth about that. He was there for me the first week or two after the news of my diagnosis, but the distance of his wandering mind became too apparent as it all sunk in. He just could not pretend anymore. In the worst time possible, for me anyway, my heart had shattered into pieces, my confidence in love and trust dropping to almost none.
I know these things happen every day and in all the different ways possible, good and horrible. But, funny enough, they happen when you least expect it. I have known this fact for ages now, but still it is always a surprise when it happens. Things do always happen when you least expect them and it goes for both good and bad things.
My heart is still broken, but I do have a "newly found" freedom, when I can make decisions purely based on what I alone think and want. I now have more time for myself and for trying to figure out how to make my dreams a reality as soon as my condition allows it. It wasn’t easy not to have that special person by my side when I needed it most, but I guess, sometimes, we are supposed to go through certain things “alone.” Of course, I was not totally alone and even though many people could not be by my side in person because of the great distances, they showed their support as they could. They all know who they are (I hope) and I am forever grateful for all their kind words, thoughts, prayers, etc. Without them this journey towards healing might have had been too much.
But, most importantly, holding onto my belief and focusing on getting better with the help of treatments and the operation were the biggest forces behind overcoming this illness. And even though, there were hints of doubt present every now and then, I refused to accept any of them. I know we never know what tomorrow brings, but as one wise person and one of my personal inspirations had said: “Hope dies (as) last.”
It is 5th of October, two weeks after my operation, my grandma’s (from my father’s side) birthday, 4 months before my own birthday. The day as any other, but the phone ringing reminds me of the news I’m supposed to receive. And as expected, it is my nurse from the hospital, checking up on how I’m doing and how I’m coping with the effects of the operation. Then she says, “I have a good news, a great news, in fact. You won’t need any more treatment.” The pathology results came in today and they revealed I am “cancer-free” now. Of course, there are no real guarantees that it will not return later on, but for now, I’ve been cured. What a great sentence to hear and say. How amazingly happy and relieved it makes me to know that I don’t need to go through any more treatment. The pre-operation treatment was a great success, it shrunk the tumor considerably which made it easier for the surgeon to take out all the sick tissue and parts remaining.
Today, I feel truly blessed. Today, I won my fight with cancer. Although, I still have to go through another smaller operation, will need to recover and watch my body and health more closely now, I can start returning to a more “normal” life again. When all the wounds heal.
Sunday, 16 October 2011
First holiday after the treatment...
26.08.2011
Day 1 (written on Day 2… Oh, how nice it feels to be away!)
London – leaving in the afternoon from Luton airport to Brno.
The flight was bumpy and as usual, I was struggling to keep my inner self calm during most of the flight, persuading myself that sun awaits me when we land. I don’t know why, but more I fly, the more nervous I become from the whole experience. "Meditation" is not being very successful during the flight itself.
What a summer evening! And how amazing it is to step out of a plane onto a new or well familiar ground. I would love to have the skills and the abilities of a bird, but I do love a firm ground beneath my feet. So, all in all, the day was a success. From 18°C London I found myself in over 30°C Brno (Czech republic). I stayed with my aunt, uncle and cousins, which was very nice. They always make me feel as in my own home.
Day 2 (morning)
The night was very warm but I slept well. I dreamed some dreams but I forgot most of the details already. I had a lovely breakfast that my aunt prepared for me and now I’m sitting in a bus to Olomouc where a friend of mine will be getting ready for her wedding and I will have my hair done. The wedding will take place in (outside of) a smaller, recently renovated, castle called Sovinec. It should be an interesting experience and a lovely day. Let’s hope it will last into the night. I am looking forward to the whole experience.
Day 3: Sunday after the Wedding #1
(writing about the day 2 and day 3)
Day 2 went great. I came to Olomouc according to plans and found my way into the town without much complication. I met my friend and her mom at the wedding salon where she, the bride prepared herself for her big day. Everything went as planned and we arrived at the Sovinec castle some time around 12:45 (I believe). Some people have already gathered on the little parking area below the castle, some waited in the little “restaurant” next to the parking lot. The scenery is really lovely there and parts of the road leading to Sovinec feel like cut out from a fairy tale. The weather was hot and sunny, perfect summer day, although at times a little too hot for a wedding. It was all in all, a lovely location, lovely weather and people joining for the happy occasion.
The wedding ceremony was performed on top of the hill, this little clearing just outside the gate leading into the castle itself. It was quick and the photographs were taken right after the congratulations from the attendees. Afterward, the family and closest friends went on to their celebratory lunch while all of the remaining guests drove off to the little pension called Knezpole in a village not far from the castle. There we all gathered on a terrace right in front of the house and waited for our lunch while enjoying the mixed conversations, introductions and drinks. It is always good when a group of nice people gets together and shares the jokes, experiences and laughs, while listening to the music that brings back similar memories to these people from different areas of life.
The food was delicious, drinks were flowing, but all in a cultivated manner while making people more talkative and relaxed. Although the clouds were beginning to accumulate, the sun was still shining. In the evening the temperature dropped down quite a bit and the sky became overcast. We all went inside for more food, entertainment and some dancing.
Today, my friends and I were one of the first people to get up and go downstairs for breakfast. We all had some scrambled eggs with bread and breakfast tea. After that we also got some espresso with small pastries to wake us up. The sun was shining bright again, but the morning temperature was quite fresh. It looked like another gorgeous day ahead of us. The only other person in the dining area was the groom’s best man. He joined our “all-girl” table and we all shared some casual conversation and few good laughs. As it turned out he had to leave soon and was driving through Olomouc. He had spare room in his car which worked perfectly for the three of us, so we nicely asked him to give us a ride to Olomouc. Soon after, the other people were beginning to come downstairs for breakfast and eventually the newly married couple joined us, too. After a quick chat with them we went up to pack our things and got ready to leave for our journeys ahead.
The drive to Olomouc was fairly quick and relaxed with few more laughs in between. After dropping us at the Olomouc train station, we kindly thanked our driver for the ride and his time. My first train has already left, so I had over an hour to spare and my friends’ train didn’t come until 40 minutes or so later. We bought the tickets and decided to go to the restaurant to kill some time and have something to drink. When the time came we said our goodbyes and my friends got on their train to Bratislava. I went outside to sit on a bench and enjoy the sunshine. It was a glorious day, but I had the whole afternoon and early evening of journey ahead of myself.
I am traveling to Poprad right now. It is about five hour journey with a change and some waiting in Zilina. Then, I still have to take the electric tram from Poprad to Strbske pleso, so depending on a wait it will take another half to an hour more. I probably won’t make it to Novy Smokovec (High Tatras) before 8pm. Oh well, I will have a whole day tomorrow and a bit of Tuesday to enjoy the beautiful scenery of High Tatras. The weather should also be in my favor, let’s hope so!
(more from my summer trip to come…in the meantime, here are some photos from High Tatras and Frankfurt)
http://public.fotki.com/lucye82/summer-trip-2011/
Day 1 (written on Day 2… Oh, how nice it feels to be away!)
London – leaving in the afternoon from Luton airport to Brno.
The flight was bumpy and as usual, I was struggling to keep my inner self calm during most of the flight, persuading myself that sun awaits me when we land. I don’t know why, but more I fly, the more nervous I become from the whole experience. "Meditation" is not being very successful during the flight itself.
What a summer evening! And how amazing it is to step out of a plane onto a new or well familiar ground. I would love to have the skills and the abilities of a bird, but I do love a firm ground beneath my feet. So, all in all, the day was a success. From 18°C London I found myself in over 30°C Brno (Czech republic). I stayed with my aunt, uncle and cousins, which was very nice. They always make me feel as in my own home.
Day 2 (morning)
The night was very warm but I slept well. I dreamed some dreams but I forgot most of the details already. I had a lovely breakfast that my aunt prepared for me and now I’m sitting in a bus to Olomouc where a friend of mine will be getting ready for her wedding and I will have my hair done. The wedding will take place in (outside of) a smaller, recently renovated, castle called Sovinec. It should be an interesting experience and a lovely day. Let’s hope it will last into the night. I am looking forward to the whole experience.
Day 3: Sunday after the Wedding #1
(writing about the day 2 and day 3)
Day 2 went great. I came to Olomouc according to plans and found my way into the town without much complication. I met my friend and her mom at the wedding salon where she, the bride prepared herself for her big day. Everything went as planned and we arrived at the Sovinec castle some time around 12:45 (I believe). Some people have already gathered on the little parking area below the castle, some waited in the little “restaurant” next to the parking lot. The scenery is really lovely there and parts of the road leading to Sovinec feel like cut out from a fairy tale. The weather was hot and sunny, perfect summer day, although at times a little too hot for a wedding. It was all in all, a lovely location, lovely weather and people joining for the happy occasion.
The wedding ceremony was performed on top of the hill, this little clearing just outside the gate leading into the castle itself. It was quick and the photographs were taken right after the congratulations from the attendees. Afterward, the family and closest friends went on to their celebratory lunch while all of the remaining guests drove off to the little pension called Knezpole in a village not far from the castle. There we all gathered on a terrace right in front of the house and waited for our lunch while enjoying the mixed conversations, introductions and drinks. It is always good when a group of nice people gets together and shares the jokes, experiences and laughs, while listening to the music that brings back similar memories to these people from different areas of life.
The food was delicious, drinks were flowing, but all in a cultivated manner while making people more talkative and relaxed. Although the clouds were beginning to accumulate, the sun was still shining. In the evening the temperature dropped down quite a bit and the sky became overcast. We all went inside for more food, entertainment and some dancing.
Today, my friends and I were one of the first people to get up and go downstairs for breakfast. We all had some scrambled eggs with bread and breakfast tea. After that we also got some espresso with small pastries to wake us up. The sun was shining bright again, but the morning temperature was quite fresh. It looked like another gorgeous day ahead of us. The only other person in the dining area was the groom’s best man. He joined our “all-girl” table and we all shared some casual conversation and few good laughs. As it turned out he had to leave soon and was driving through Olomouc. He had spare room in his car which worked perfectly for the three of us, so we nicely asked him to give us a ride to Olomouc. Soon after, the other people were beginning to come downstairs for breakfast and eventually the newly married couple joined us, too. After a quick chat with them we went up to pack our things and got ready to leave for our journeys ahead.
The drive to Olomouc was fairly quick and relaxed with few more laughs in between. After dropping us at the Olomouc train station, we kindly thanked our driver for the ride and his time. My first train has already left, so I had over an hour to spare and my friends’ train didn’t come until 40 minutes or so later. We bought the tickets and decided to go to the restaurant to kill some time and have something to drink. When the time came we said our goodbyes and my friends got on their train to Bratislava. I went outside to sit on a bench and enjoy the sunshine. It was a glorious day, but I had the whole afternoon and early evening of journey ahead of myself.
I am traveling to Poprad right now. It is about five hour journey with a change and some waiting in Zilina. Then, I still have to take the electric tram from Poprad to Strbske pleso, so depending on a wait it will take another half to an hour more. I probably won’t make it to Novy Smokovec (High Tatras) before 8pm. Oh well, I will have a whole day tomorrow and a bit of Tuesday to enjoy the beautiful scenery of High Tatras. The weather should also be in my favor, let’s hope so!
(more from my summer trip to come…in the meantime, here are some photos from High Tatras and Frankfurt)
http://public.fotki.com/lucye82/summer-trip-2011/
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