Dream

I had a dream last night, or early morning. Of course, I do not remember most of it. But there are couple of details that stuck in my mind after waking up. I also remember that the dream felt very real, at least the part of it, I can recall.
I was in a store, sort of a grocery store. I remember going through these ground-level aisles, unlike in most stores where the racks with products are quite tall and you can’t see through them to the next aisle. These were mostly boxes and bags containing different products placed on the floor. I can specifically remember they were Slovak groceries, although packed in “bulk” packaging, which is not common in Slovakia.
Without remembering when or how I got there from the store, I found myself in an elevator. It was a normal, smaller type of an elevator. I think I wanted to go one floor up, which I almost never do and rather take the stairs. As I pushed the button, I already knew the elevator would not stop. It continued climbing. Suddenly, I realized there is a window on the elevator’s wall opposite of me and I could see the outside as it’s beginning to appear smaller and smaller, further and further away.
It was a view of a large city, its streets in the daylight. A view similar to the one from the top of a Sears Tower, perhaps. Although, I don’t remember seeing the lake at all and it did not feel like Chicago.
I was still climbing and things continued to shrink. The view seemed quite distant and I became worried what is going to follow. I suddenly woke up.

Dreams. Such odd motion pictures of our minds. It makes me wonder, if the mind replays the movies of our own lives in its own, unique way, or whether it is trying to tell our consciousness something. Foretell a future, perhaps? I also wonder what would have happened if I did not wake up at that moment and continued dreaming. Would the elevator stop? Would it continue climbing and take me to heights I had never reached?
It is intriguing how we (I) usually remember only a certain part or parts from the dream. I can never recall the whole dream. Why is it that those certain moments of a dream stay in my memory even after I wake up?...Just another question that’s on my mind today.

Thursday, 07 October 2010

Daylight

(from few weeks ago...)
After what had felt like weeks of rain and grey sky, we are getting an Indian Summer. The sun has shown its face again and hopefully will keep on smiling on us for next few days.
The mornings and evenings are chilly, days get a bit warmer, but I can see the daylight getting shorter and shorter with every passing day. It’s interesting you (I) don’t usually notice the gradual changes when the day becomes longer, until one evening you (I) suddenly realize it’s 8:30pm and the sun is still shining. Yet, when it is the other way around, I seem to notice big difference every few days.
I’m not even talking about the mornings. I just woke up one day and realized I’m waking up into darkness. OK, it’s not pitch black, but let me tell you 6:45am and still feels like night is not so uplifting. How do those people living closer to the poles cope with these enormous changes, especially, in winter?
I need my daylight.

Shine

Sun, please come out, if for a little while
and I will smile, watching the clouds move by
on the gray-blue sky above.

Shine a little warmth onto my benumbed skin,
Paint a little color onto the beauty around.

The sound of harmonica is my companion
while I watch the wind playing with grass and leaves,
my hair is dancing to the rhythm of its beats,
and melodies.
Take me on a journey to a faraway sea,
where mountains spread their immense arms
to guard my inner peace.

Clouds, please open up your puffy drapes
and let the sun shine through,
we all can use a little comfort
of its caress and light that soothe.

Shine.

Reflection 12,049

Today I feel like reading, escaping this reality, the gloomy London weather. Rain is pouring down, the clouds have taken over the gray sky...
The heaviness of air pushes my brain into a funny state, half-asleep, half-aware, not sure where things will take me. One side is optimistic, feeling the good things are knocking on the door, yet the other half still fears the unknown.

Reflection 12,045

Today feels like an autumn. Totally. The summer is still here, the sun is shining, but the summery warm, fragrant air has changed into the autumn's kiss of cool breeze. Fresh, soaked with dampness of the morning dew and rain. Leaves falling, gliding in the air, birds enjoying the rays of softer, soothing sunshine that becomes shorter every day.
The reflection of a sun in the water's surface blinds my eyes in the most pleasant way. Twinkles dancing and playing games, radiating, illuminating life all around. Yet, no one seems to notice the magic of a sparkling light. The drum beats to the rhythm of this gleaming light. The music brings it all even more to life.

Nothing

There is universe, and then what? There is life, and then what?
It’s so mind-blowing when you begin to really think about these things. Will it ever be possible for us humans to fully understand the life, the creation, the actual universe, when our minds are bombarded with limits of this earth, this life cycle, limits of our thinking. Well, maybe our imagination does not really have limits, when we let it fly and if we had the eternity to ponder, explore, test, calculate...But, we don’t, at least not in the sense known to us. The life begins and ends at one point. That’s how we know it. The universe started at one point and it’s destined to end, too. At least that’s the hypothesis. “Universe is expanding.” Does it then mean that it has an end? And then what? What is beyond its end? Nothing? What is nothing? Is nothing never ending, or does it have an end as well? How can something not have an end and/or beginning? But if there is the beginning and there is the end, what is before and after. Beyond. Nothing?
Back at stage one. It’s just mind-blowing, really! One infinitely small being compared to the immensity of the universe. And going, and going and going. Until it ends; until it all ends. But does it mean that just because things work a certain way on this Earth, in this life, it/they hold truth everywhere, throughout the universe, throughout the time? Can we ever grow to the point of grasping it all? I can’t and if this material world is all there is to the “reality of being - existence,” then I don’t think we can either, as humans. Maybe there are other “dimensions,” “realities,” part of the “eternal life cycle,” unknown to us at this stage. Or maybe, there’s nothing. The universe started, people are born and then die, universe dies. That’s almost more mind-blowing, more difficult for me to understand, or maybe just to accept, than the idea that time is endless, with no beginning, no end, with endless amount of “dimensions, realities, stages...”
And I’m back to stage one: just mind-blowing. And tomorrow, I might no longer exist. Well, not in this reality...

Cherish the moments!

Dumb

Maybe I'm dumb, maybe naive, or maybe just happy.
Maybe I just refuse to see and accept the reality,
the negativity of our everyday lives,
positivity of random occurrences.
Maybe it gets to me, maybe it crawls beneath my skin.
I see the things the way they are,
or appear to be.
I take it all in and I breathe,
let it all go when I see fit.
Forgive, forget, or never accept...
I just don't think that all questions are meant to be answered,
not all mysteries meant for all eyes and ears.
Perhaps there's a pattern
and maybe it's just what we need
to breathe with ease
to live as we please.

Gloomy tune

The sun is shining, but my mind is overcast.
The thoughts are pounding,
trying to get out of the box,
enclosed within the walls of space and time,
trying to overtake the speed of light.

The day is lovely, but my mind is confused,
why happiness is so fleeting
and freedom does not exist,
why hearts stop beating
and people get abused.

The sun is shining
and I sing this gloomy tune.

I

In your eyes there is something that makes you your own.
In your eyes you hide your soul.
In your eyes the smile and sadness come through.
In your eyes I seek the truth.

In your smile the worries disappear,
In your smile I can see the dreams,
In your smile the happiness dances,
In your smile the sun shines through.

In your heart I try to make an impression.
In your heart I look for expression.
In your heart I want to reside,
But that's just my selfish I.

You are meant to fly.

Reflection 9,853

So many possibilities, endless really. The ways your life could have, can turn out, the outcomes of a single situation, the steps you can choose to take, the ways the turns unwind. I believe there's a meaning to all of this, why things happen the way they do. There's a sense in them. Maybe it is just a wishful thinking in the human nature speaking inside of me. But, it's on the days like these, I realize how lucky I have been and that a happiness is a tricky, fleeting thing. I try to hold on to this pleasant feeling, I try to savor these moments of sweet simple joy.
It appears and disappears with not much of a warning sign, you just realize and appreciate the blessings of your life and forget about the little things that tend to weigh you down. But it is those moments that you need to be aware of and enjoy this awareness, because we all do have issues. Perhaps some more than the others, but it's exactly what one must do to enjoy his or her life. Let go of those many little things that make our lives complicated, difficult, if for a moment, it is not all bad. And as much as you may think that whatever you've been through is the worst, it probably isn't, for it can always get worse. It's never so bad it cannot get worse.
So if you reach a moment of enjoyment and become fully aware of it, savor it, cherish it, because things change all the time. Every (good) moment is a gift.

Reflection 11,463

The rush of feelings streaming through my veins, why are we constantly bombarded with temptation? Temptation to do something, eat something, say something that we shouldn’t perhaps. I guess, life would be too easy otherwise...boring, maybe? As with many things, once we have had something or we have been doing something for some time, it becomes familiar, ordinary, somewhat boring and we tend to take it for granted.

But, why must we be reminded of things we want to forget. Is it just the fact (alone), the act of trying to forget something that makes it impossible to do?

Reflection 10,892

Another ordinary day that in itself is not so ordinary, for no other day will ever be exactly the same. It is Friday, like many others, waking up in the morning, getting ready and rushing to work, working, getting bored with the monotonous work, being reminded of past when you were part of it, new thoughts, plans for evening (that did not quite worked out as planned), enjoying the moments of peaceful yet somewhat nostalgic reflection, reading a book, eating my dinner, occasionally watching the surroundings. It never seizes to amaze me, how this life evolves and moments pass, with meaning or meaningless. That’s the constant battle human mind fights every day.

It ended up being a melancholic day that made me write these lines. Because funny enough, I tend to write only when something’s weighing down my spirit.

Or maybe it’s just one of those days when writing muse kicks me into motion to write whatever comes into my mind. Good night, my friend!

Reflection 8,759

Why do we seem to want something we don’t have, when things seem perfectly fine the way they are. Why do we must wonder how it would be, if things were different. “What if I had not done that? What if I did not go there? What if I did or did not say that? What if...?”
Is it just a part of  human curiosity, restlessness, inquiry? “Want it all, want to know it all, nature.”
Yes, same questions over and over again, yet different answers at different times. So many possibilities, so much room for exploration.
At times, so little time to explore them all.

Promises

The icy breath of broken promises
caresses wounds of your troubled heart
when sun is setting over the horizon
of a complicated lie.
The beams of truth are seeping in
through the rusty iron bars
that keep your soul confined
between the crumbled walls
of your fallen confidence.
The icy breath of broken promises
creeps through the surface of your skin
when doubts are lining in an endless line
threatening your everyday life.
The innocence and hopes
of your inner child
seem to disappear
with the fading light of your smile.

Ahead

Fiery sunset rays blinding me,
I keep on walking ahead,
Unable to see the future,
Almost running out of breath.

Scorching heat of black asphalt road
Rising up to burn my face,
Only the northern breeze to cool me down,
Moon rising to greet the night.

The darkness spreads its wings throughout the space,
The sounds of chirrup and flying bats surround me,
Unable to see the present or the future,
I keep on walking straight ahead.

The night is long,
Silence takes over the endless sky,
I'm watching the faint light
traveling from millions of stars,
The past is past, still present,
The future remains unknown,
But I keep on walking the road before.

The dawn is near and cycle starts again.

Reflection 8,458

Searching for answers to questions that seem to blend with others. Reality of being...what’s the point of it all...?
To move forward, to improve, is this all the time a person has to find the ultimate truth? Is there such a thing, as “truth” or is it all just a matter of perception. All these experiences, all the memories, transforming into a virtual reality. Past, present, future, how much do they really mean? We keep on pursuing something, but do we really get to live? I guess, life is a gift and a curse of a human being. Love, health, happiness, success, material well-being... how much do these things matter..? Of course, our perception of life and its experience seems to suggest the quality of life improves when we have all these things. The abundance of “good” things should make for a better life, or should it? Are the people content, happy, when everything is in favor of happiness? My experience, perceptions, tell me a human being is a rather unpredictable and unsatisfiable creature, who keeps on wanting more and more. Or is it just a silly generalization?

Fly

Here I am, staring at the reflection of the sky, the clouds and birds are zooming by, the shimmer of water is screening my past life, not knowing when, how or why our time is running out. The gravity is strong, but we always try to fly. We've always tried to reach the sky and above, not accepting what's here and now. But life keeps on speeding by.
Leap and reach the stars.
Fly.